I don't know what I'm doing anymore. my last journal entry I said I was tired of my job well freaking because what you wish for because I was layed off on no other day then freaking Friday the 13th in May. Now that I'm not in my rut I feel like instead of exploring the open road I've just parked at a rest stop to afraid to move on. I feel lazy and unproductive and that I'm letting more people down then ever. I've tried to stay positive but I can't I feel like any emotion beyond "meh" is beyond me. I've applied to a few places haven't heard back yet. My sewing machine isn't here so I have to go to the next town over if I want to do that but the bf has the car most of the day... just UGGGH I feel useless. I'm depending on other people to take care of me and I hate it but they want me to take it easy and depend on them. I just... I can't I don't want to be earning money by doing nothing (which with unemployment feels like I'm doing) and I don't want to have to depend on Dylan for everything Which with the trip to Otakon coming up fast I have to.... I think this is more stressful then when I had my job.